Catchphrases of the Dwellers of My Favorite Coffee Shop

by Kevin Smokler

“Is it a Good Morning?”

“Mostly milk, a little cream. You’re doing it wrong! Just hand me the sugar packet!”

“[tongue click] Congress [head shake]”

“Wifi Password?”

“No thanks, I brought my own mug. Tree murder, ya know?”

“Sign this Petition!”

“If this is decaf, why am I shaking?”

“If this is a scone, why is it round?”


“Restroom Key?”

“Who stole the Restroom Key?”

“Me again.”

“I said, the USUAL.”

Kevin Smokler is the author of forthcoming essay collection Practical Classics: Rereading Your Favorite Books From High School (Prometheus Books 2013) and has written for the LA Times, Fast Company, and the Believer. He lives in San Francisco and tweets @Weegee.

Photo by PeterG, via Shutterstock