But How Disgusting Is My Face, Really?
Have you guys heard of this Visia thing? Neither had I when the dermatologist told me they just got the new machine and asked if I wanted to try it yesterday. It scans your face and tells you how old/ugly/gross you look compared to your peers. All the ladies in the office were like “Are you sure? It might be… I mean, it can be a little scary so only if you’re sure.”
They were so serious about it, like gearing up to break my heart. I’m thinking, “First off, are you all super concerned because you can tell just looking at me that I’m going to fail this test? Also, calm down, it’s not Oprah’s full body scan, this is for fun.” So what I said was, “Are you kidding me? Yes! Now. Gimme. I live for this kind of stuff. Let’s gooo!” Then they put may face in this brightly lit box, a bunch of flashes went off, and one minute — seriously this took one minute — later, my dreams came true.
Here’s how to read the results: “The percentile scores depict your ranking relative to others of the same age, gender, and skin type. Higher scores are better.” As you’ll notice, I’m killing it in the texture (so soft!) game, but I have a bunch of spots and wrinkles and redness and my porphyrins, whatever those are, are through the roof. (One girl at the office said they’re bacteria but I looked them up online and I think she was just trying to freak me out/be a jerk. If you do know what they are, please explain in the comments?)
When are you getting yours done?