Excerpts From My Surburban Elephant Drama
by E.A. Weiss
Wanda: Where were you? I waited for two hours.
David: I forgot.
Wanda: Don’t give me that shit.
Melissa: Did he hit you?
Charlotte: No, I…
Melissa: Did he hit you with his trunk?
Vivian: Where did you get those bananas?
Sam: Donny’s son was born today, so we celebrated after work.
Vivian: Oh, that’s nice for Donny and his wife. It must be so nice to finally settle down and start a family.
Sam: Do we have to do this right now?
Melissa: I have taken up painting since the kids left — mostly just lines and blotches so far, but I’m getting there.
Wanda: I heard your mom talking about me.
David: Yeah, she loves you.
Wanda: No, she was laughing.
David: Probably retelling one of your funny jokes.
Wanda: She was making fun of me.
David: Why would she do that?
Wanda: Look at my giant ears! I know what I heard.
Sam: I know it’s expensive, but this piano was made out of my grandfather.
Hughie: Mom, Dad, I have decided to become an omnivore.
Wanda: Shut up and eat your vegetables.
E. A. Weiss is a writer who recently graduated from Kenyon College and now lives in New York. He wants to be knighted though he is not British. He is working on his accent.