Myths and Legends: Director’s Cut

by Carrie Hill Wilner

Leda: So also can I do a test for Swan AIDS.
Gynecologist: . . . Swan AIDS is not a thing.
Leda: Oh, cool.

Helen’s best friend: I mean, it’s like, not even fun to hang out with you anymore because it’s just about allllll these guys trying to talk to you, and I’m all, why am I even here.
Helen: What do you want me to do about it? Seriously.

Lot’s daughter 1: . . . but it doesn’t count toward our number, right?
Lot’s daughter 2: [pokes listlessly at home fries, sighs]

Judith’s mom: Hello?
Judith: Mom? It’s me. I have a laundry question.
Judith’s mom: Every week! You think you’d be able to handle it by now.
Judith: No, this one is different.

Previously: Mean Ladies to Read About.

Carrie Hill Wilner is a pillar of salt.