Let’s Just All Talk About the Things That Bug Us About Harry Potter
…so we can embrace the final movie with clear consciences. I’ll start!
Why is Harry still constantly amazed that things are magical? “Wow, the wedding tent gets raised by a bunch of us with wands!” “You can fit so many things into that backpack, Hermione!”
Why are the books about Harry, who has all this money and these random magical trinkets people give him all the time for being famous through no achievement of his own, and not Hermione, who is the brainy child of two Muggle dentists and doesn’t even have a goddamn owl?
Why is Ron so pissy all the time, and also unattractive?
Why is Hermione saddled with Unattractive Pissy Ron for life, instead of being a cool lesbian or getting with some super-studly international Quidditch champion?
Why are the most recent movies shot with such insufficient lighting that you can’t even make out who’s speaking if you watch it on a plane and one person has their shade up?
Why are we so old now, and why does it all have to end?