Imagined Runaway Bride Subtext in Hello!

Imagined Runaway Bride Subtext in Hello! Canada’s Uniformly Fawning Coverage of Prince Albert of Monaco’s Wedding

The will to survive fades:

So exquisite was the occasion that, by the end, even the new Princess of Monaco lost her composure, shedding tears of emotion as she held the arm of her adoring new husband.

They tried to get her out of the country, but the royal family froze her passport and then reprogrammed her family to accept it:

Charlene’s father, sales manager Michael, 65, recently remarked to the Times in South Africa, “It’s actually very hard to believe [that she’s getting married], but…we’ve grown into it.”

She was in a drugged stupor:

Lightly holding her father Michael’s arm, the new princess slowly began her symbolic walk down the somewhat unconventional aisle, allowing people the chance to savour ever perfect detail of her unbelievably beautiful dress.

Gritting her teeth and thinking of Monaco:

Her blond hair artfully styled in a demi-chignon reminiscent of Princess Grace and with a jeweled hairpiece her only adornment, Charlene kept her gaze beneath her silk tulle veil fixed firmly ahead as the congregation rose to their feet, cheering and clapping.

Disguised security detail of Romanian dwarves ready to take her down:

She was followed by her seven young bridesmaids, girls around the age of seven chosen to represent Monaco and the neighbouring communities, all dressed in a Ballets de Monte-Carlo interpretation of the region’s traditional flower-girl costume.


As Charlene made her way along the red carpet, she could be seen responding to her father Michael’s show of concern with a simple: “I’m all right,” before entering to Sir Paul McCartney’s ode to love “Standing Stone,” sung by opera singers Lisa Larsson and Kenneth Tarver.

Quick check to eliminate the possibility of a body double:

Albert couldn’t resist sneaking a few surreptitious glances over his shoulder, but he did manage to avoid taking a full look at his new wife until she joined him at the foot of the famous horseshoe-shaped staircase, which was inspired by the one at Fontainebleau near Paris and is carved from a single block of Carrara marble.

It is finished:

But here, away from the crowds and the glitz and in the sacred atmosphere of the ancient place of worship, after days of poise and composure, Princess Charlene of Monaco’s emotions finally overcame her. Copious tears flowed as the church filled with the sounds of a simple, melodic hymn.

Oranges and lemons / Say the bells of St. Clement’s:

The ball then opened, with songs including Bruce Springsteen’s “Streets of Philadelphia.”

(Hello! Canada, 18 July 2011)