Six Ways to Get Rid of the Gross Chocolate Bunny From Your Easter Basket

If you received an Easter basket this year, chances are it contained a hunk of low-quality chocolate molded into the shape of a bunny. Why they’re an Easter candy staple is beyond me, since I’ve yet to find anyone who actually likes them. Anyway, if you’ve got one I suppose you could eat it (best done by first viciously biting off its head), but you could forego the empty calories and do one of the following things with it instead.

1. Give it to a child. Those dummies will eat anything.

2. If it’s the cheap kind that’s hollow inside, cut off its head and use the body as a cup to drink something delicious. (May I suggest making the Potato Colada into a Bunny Colada instead?)

3. Put it out in the communal food area of your office. One of your sad coworkers will take it eventually. Or, worse, a group of them will descend on it, vulture-like, and hack it into tiny bits to share.

4. Melt it down and give yourself a chocolate facial.

5. Pretend it’s a human baby that you’ve adopted. Post adorable pictures of her doing funny things on Facebook. Tell all your friends long, boring stories about how Bunny is learning to smile or how Bunny is working on potty training. Then insist they all attend the funeral when Bunny melts to death after you accidentally leave her out in a patch of sunlight.

6. Let it sit on your kitchen counter for months, because even though you don’t want to eat it, you’d feel bad throwing it out. You’ll ignore it until one day, in a moment of extreme weakness when you would totally cut a bitch to get something sweet, you spot it there and finally give in and eat the sad stale bunny which is now even more disgusting than it was to begin with.