Four Ways Kanye West Is Channeling Liz Taylor, and Four Ways I Wish He Would
by Amanda Green
Kanye West owes a lot to Jay-Z, and I’ma let Hov finish. But Kanye and the late Elizabeth Taylor are two diamond-encrusted peas in a pod.
1) White Diamonds are forever.
Liz wore them with everything, explaining, “Big girls need big diamonds,” and Kanye West replaced his bottom teeth with them.
2) Michael Jackson fandom.
In 1989, Liz was the first person to declare Michael Jackson “The King of Pop,” and Kanye West later called him “The greatest, biggest pop-cultural figure of all time, arguably bigger than Jesus Christ.” (And even Kanye!)
3) Agreement President Bush is stupid.
Liz: “I don’t think President Bush is doing anything about AIDS. In fact, I’m not sure he even knows how to spell AIDS.”
Kanye: “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”
4) Passion for clothing.
Liz knew how to bring the bling and could rock a one-piece swimsuit as easily as she could a Grecian-cut gown, and the Louis Vuitton Don has rapped, “I shop so much I could speak Italian.”
How I Wish Kanye Would Channel Liz:
1) Supporting a cause other than himself.
Liz was an outspoken advocate for AIDS research and treatment. Kanye …
2) Crazy marriages meant for the tabloids.
Liz was married eight times to seven men. Surely we can find a few alcoholic, drug-addled pyromaniac supermodels for Ye to run away with — or at least to lovingly accept photographs of his penis.
3) A fragrance (with hints of frankincense, obviously) complete with a really cheesy commercial.
“These have always brought me luck, yo.” T-Pain could make a cameo as a poker player who’s in love with a stripper.
4) A TV career when his heyday is over.
When replaced by younger bombshells, Liz worked the stage and TV. Maybe washed-up Kanye could join Ice Cube in a feel-good family sitcom that no one will ever admit to watching.
Amanda Green is a freelance writer/editor/ninja in New York City.
Illustration by Nate Pollard.