Dystopian Dollar Store Finds

by Julie Lauren Vick

“Aren’t you glad I got us these comfy matching longjohns, babe? Sometimes I get so cold sitting in my car all day outside your office that my fingers freeze up and I can barely work the binoculars.”

What kind of dentist is this?

I bet this hunk’s not used to keeping ladies DRY, amirite?

“You guys don’t even want to know what happened to me on the way to the Sheila E. concert.”

“Occasionally when I have time after watering my houseplants I’ll slip into my church flats and something smart. It makes ironing my ambiguous service job uniform feel like more of an activity and less of a chore.”

Shit, YEAH, he is!

Our special senses of comfortableness are unaffected by decapitation.

Most people don’t realize the Olsen twins are actually triplets. Olga Olsen never sought the spotlight, and instead owns her own spray tan studio in Brighton Beach.

Julie Lauren Vick is a writer living in Brooklyn.