What Do Lesbians Eat?
The Oscars are this Sunday, and if you’ve been invited to an Oscar party chances are you’ve been asked to bring some sort of Best-Picture-themed dish. It’s easy if you’ve got True Grit (just make grits, duh), but some of the other movies pose a real challenge. For instance, The Kids Are All Right — a movie about a lesbian couple and their kids — doesn’t offer up a lot of easy puns. So what do all the food blogs and magazines suggest we make for The Kids Are All Right? Well, I guess it should come as no surprise that their choices play on every cliche in the book about lesbians.* Don’t believe me? Check it out:
-Epicurious offers up a nice Lacinato Kale and Ricotta Salata Salad. They’re obviously relying on the old “lesbians love salads” stereotype.
-Everyone also assumes that lesbians are hardcore locavores, so it’s no surprise that Food2 associates the movie with “seasonal, organic, gourmet dishes made with farmer’s market finds.” To that end, they suggest Squash and Chickpea Fritters and Crostini with Onion Compote and Brie.
-Strangely, Sunset also goes for the Squash and Chickpea Fritters, this time with Winter Greens and Hazelnut Salad. Boy, those lesbians and their chickpea fritters. They cannot get enough, am I right?!
-Food52 suggests an Arugula, Pear and Goat Cheese Salad with Pomegranate Vinaigrette because, again, lesbians L-O-V-E salads.
-Women’s Day makes a bold choice: Deconstructed California Rolls. They claim they picked it because the couple in the movie lives in California, but we all KNOW it’s a sly reference to the fact that lesbians eat sooooo much….imitation crabmeat? That is a thing, no?
There you have it. It’s pretty much all about vegetables; the more seasonal and local, the better. So, if you’re heading to an Oscar party this weekend and you drew The Kids Are All Right, the solution is clear. Go to your nearest food coop, buy a bunch of kale and chickpeas, and then tell everyone at the party you brought them because you “heard that lesbians liked vegetables.” Or you could follow Richard Lawson’s hilarious suggestion and bring a drink called The Kids Are All Riesling.
* Sure, the temptation might be to assume that these dishes were all picked to reflect the seasonal, local restaurant that is run by Mark Ruffalo’s character in the movie, but think about it for a minute…that makes no sense!