Soon You’ll Consist Entirely of Foam
Hipless Gals! We’ve wasted time fantasizing about smaller waists. Put down that rib-removal surgery brochure. It’s an hourglass we’re after, that magic ratio, and we can get it by padding our hips with foam. So sex-appealing. No need to choose just an area or two to pad. Some styles come with multiple pockets and an assortment of fleshy, rubber lumps that you can place at whim.
Laugh it up, but hip-padded underwear comes for us all. These are designed to protect the elderly from falls with football shoulder-shaped hip pads. Couldn’t the elderly have sexy-shaped and protected hips?
Still not sure if and where you require foam? Enjoy starting your day with math? Here you go.
You started off with the wrong figure. You have not the hips that belong to you and something has got to be done about it… On the other hand, if your height is three or four inches under double the girth of your hips, but some other theoretical measurements are radically different from the facts, you have spotted local imperfections — of chest, waist, thigh, etc. — and are informed of the approximate number of inches by which they are under- or over-developed.
— Sylvia Ullback’s Seceretary, Hollywood Undressed, observations of Sylvia as noted to her seceretary (1931)