Overheard at Last Night’s Screening of the Justin Bieber Movie

by Josh Kurp

Match the quote with the type of person who attended the midnight screening of Never Say Never 3-D last night!

A) A pack of teenage girls.
B) A member of one of the many gay couples.
C) A family of five: mother, father, two older daughters, and a five-year-old.
D) A twentysomething male with Rivers Cuomo glasses and a pink-and-white Justin Bieber shirt.
E) A gentleman in his 50s who was there alone.
F) Me.

1. “No one will hear me cry, except for you guys.”

2. “All Manhattan girls are, like, staying home and watching Gossip Girl.”

3. “Oh my God, Justin’s coming right at me!”

4. “Shut the fuck up!”

5. [Full lyrics to Katy Perry’s “Fireworks”]

6. “Justin Bieber and Eminem are two of the hottest white guys around.”

7. “I’m totally gonna sing along.”

8. “That pizza looks hella good.”

9. “I love you, Justin!”

10. “Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!”

11. “I like Justin Bieber, but I miss Savage Garden.”


1A, 2A, 3B, 4A, 5A-B, 6C, 7B, 8A, 9A-B-C, 10A-B-C-D, 11F

The guy by himself said not a word.

Josh Kurp is currently working on his first book, Tales of a Twenty-Three-Year Old Teenybopper.