Let’s Work Together To End Winter

by Bonnie

February is upon us, and we’re in danger of that yearly mood slump recognized in clinical terms as our life not being worth living, which can be worsened by a deficiency in someone to whisk you away from all this. Do we have to just let weather and seasons and years happen to us? I’ve scoured the web for the best in human weather abatement.

Sure, recently there’s been news about weather modified by stuff like chemicals, and companies, and I think airplanes. But I don’t have that kind of stuff.

I do have some of the stuff this girl suggests.

Assemble your machine from any and every Weather-related object you can find. This includes thermometers, snow globes, rain sticks, sundials, and that chunk of the moon in the back of your closet. Put it all together with double-sided tape and stripped wires. Try not to electrocute yourself.

Her method seems endorsed by this Matthew McConaughey-rainstick connection. Has he ever been seen in winter weather? Well, see.

How about a nice simple magic spell?

This ritual is best performed outdoors. In advance you will need to collect a small handful of old leaves and write on each something that you would like to be rid of.

Or fine, a ritual. It can work if we write the same word on all our dead leaves: winter. I consulted Yahoo answers, and was assured that there are people (well, not people) all around us who can help.
the next phase of human-evolution walking in your streets, called the “meruvians”
meaning people who can soul-read,
use telepathy, control the weather etc. I spoke with one who taught herself to dematerialize.

After all this research, I think the answer probably lies with birds. In particular, crows.

End of the Winter
End of the coldness
End of the day
Crows come to this forest
Flies through this woods
Over the dark water
Where ice will die soon
Winter surrenders finally
Spring rises it’s wings
Unleash sun’s burning flames

We can always count on birds, right?