Dressed in Bulgari: The Best Black Dolls I Had as a Kid

by Sachar Mathias

There are fewer than 12 hours left in Black History Month, so as a final send-off, here are fewer than 12 of my favorite black dolls I had growing up.

(Black) Totally Hair Barbie

Because black girls look better in neon than anyone else.

Sun Man, Pig-Head, and Hypno

Because Sun Man has a necklace made out of wings, Hypno has a bracelet made out of bird, Pig-Head had an electric blue and pink shield, and all three were nice enough to let the girl dolls wear their amazing accessories.

Michael Jackson Doll

Because the Michael Jackson Thriller Doll was my first boyfriend. And because while I was researching this (“researching!”) I found this picture:

… which is the doll equivalent of when this happened:

(Black) My Buddy

Because this doll was exactly as terrifying as the white My Buddy that my cousin had, which taught us an important lesson about equality.

Florence “Flo Jo” Griffith Joyner Doll

Because any doll that wears a one-legged sleeveless bodysuit AND comes with her own gold tote bag AND stickers for you to put on your nails clearly runs circles around all other dolls.

Superstar Christie Fashion Face

Because when I asked my sister to help me with this post, she told me that she used to have nightmares that “the one that was just a head with hair” would run across the front lawn on spindly legs to give her a hug, which is ridiculous.

Naomi Fashion Doll

Because, braids. And style. And serious swag.

Talking Urkel Doll

Because Urkel invented Kanye West, in a way, and also invented my entire sense of humor.

Addy Walker, American Girl

Because when Addy hit the scene, a bunch of other little girls and I were soooo excited to finally have one of these stupid dolls of our own, even if we were kinda “nice one, guys” about the only black America Girl Doll being a runaway slave who survived on gourdfulls of water and stale cornbread.

Honorable Mention

Because Native American Barbie rocked fringe and turquoise harder than an Urban Outfitters catalog.

Dishonorable Mention

You’re doing it wrong.

Sachar Mathias barely has any time to play with dolls anymore.