What the Waxers Said

by Bonnie

For years friends have told me of disturbing remarks, made to them by aestheticians, as they lay on the waxing table. I kept a list. Here are my favorites:

  1. “You need a pink pedicure. You will never find a New York boyfriend without a pink pedicure.”
  2. “I didn’t burn you!” (This was unprompted.)
  3. “You’re very pretty down there. Not like everybody! Some ladies are SOOOO ugly down there!”
  4. “Bad. Very bad. Oh nononononono. Ohhhhh.” (When questioned, waxer gave no further info, only a stern look.)
  5. “Done. Better now. Now all you need to do is start working out your thighs.”
  6. “You wait too long! Now it is too late!” (Permanently too late?)

You may be surprised to learn that none of the above friends are actually me in disguise. Waxing was always pleasant for me and never unsettling! What? Oh right. That one time, in Brazil:

I skipped my waxing appointment before leaving for vacation, figuring I might as well wait and get it done at the source. I mean, Brazil. And that went pretty well, except that my waxer turned off all the lights in the tiny room and approached me wearing a head lamp. Like a miner.

As of yet, no reports of anything truly disturbing said or done by a laser technician. Onward and upward?