Reasons You Need a Winter Pedicure

You already know the No. 1 reason: you don’t want to head down that slippery slope of letting your body go to shit during the colder months. It starts with the smallest things and sometimes there’s no going back! Don’t do it. Here are some more motivators and a few tips for winter pedis (my computer just auto-corrected “pedis” to “penis,” haha. Winter penis.)

1. You want soft, pretty feet.

2. You love the person you’re having sex with. If you’re doing it right, your feet will be in your partner’s face at some point during all the fun and it’s a lot to ask them to overlook such a simply solved problem as neglected feet. Especially if your partner is a dude; what stuff looks like is frustratingly meaningful to them.

3. If you ignore them long enough, the dry, callousy parts of your feet can actually crack and bleed and then you have REAL problems. This gets more likely as you get older. Just Google “heel fissures” and thank me later.

4. You want to successfully get a spray tan. Dry spots and callouses soak up self tanner like nobody’s business. I’m telling you from experience that it can look like you stepped in poop for a week if you don’t take care of that shit.

5. Footwear is the biggest pain-in-the-ass part of getting a winter pedicure so plan accordingly. If you can’t run home or to your car in flip flops without getting frostbite, plan to get a manicure or chair massage after your pedicure so your toes have time to dry.

6. Pack a little saran wrap or sandwich bags and once your toes seem dry enough, ask for cuticle oil and paint it over your toenails. Then wrap your toes in the plastic before shoving your feet into socks and boots. This may not be 100% successful in preventing smudges, but it is waaaay better than nothing.

7. And lastly, go with a friend and pack vodka-crans to maximize your fun. Just buy little bottles of cranberry juice, drink 1/3 of it and refill with vodka. Pop em in the freezer for a lil while until crystals form. ENJOY!

Previously: Do I Really Need to Wear Highlighter on my Face?

Jane Feltes is a VERY CLASSY LADY and produces the radio program “This American Life.” She can be seen regularly on stage at The Talent Show in Brooklyn and also blogs about cooking awesome meals for that special someone — herself — at ReadyMade.