Ten Questions Yesterday’s Homewreck-y Vows Column Raises But Doesn’t Answer

1. When they were talking about being the featured wedding in the New York Times’ Vows section, did this couple think it would read as a messy but wonderful modern-times love story? Are they now thinking, “[New York Times writer] Devan Sipher, you totally fucked us”?

2. Isn’t “He bounds into a room. He doesn’t walk in, he explodes in” a funny compliment? “Heyyyy guys! Nice to s — “ pffffftttttt. Blood all over the walls.

3. Did the exes read it? Are they friends at all? Spite-friends?

4. Is this the most crushing part? “[What’s] hard for people to believe is we didn’t have an affair. I didn’t want to sneak around and sleep with him on the side. I wanted to get up in the morning and read the paper with him.”

5. Or is it this, in regards to his ex-wife? “I didn’t believe in the word soulmate before, but now I do,” said the groom. (Well, there is no such thing as a soulmate.)

6. Or is it this?

“I did a terrible thing as honorably as I could,” said Mr. Partilla, who moved out of his home, reluctantly leaving his three children. But he returned only days later. Then he boomeranged back and forth for six months.

Also, when do kids start Googling?


The groom’s “10-year-old daughter answered [the phone]. “We’re in the middle of a wedding,” she informed the caller, while her younger two siblings and two soon-to-be step-siblings spun off like small planets freed from the pull of gravity.

What does that mean? Planets?

8. Have the bride and groom visited the comments section? Also, is there a more succinct summation than this? “How sad. I do not know this couple, and I’m sure that they are excited about their love for each other and their future together. But in this case, where others were so hurt, perhaps a New York Times feature was not the most graceful choice.”

9. Why is life so complicated?

10. Why can’t everything just be perfect for everyone, instantly and eternally?

11. Also, which one of them is drinking the Corona in this picture?