The Worst Makeout Mixtape Ever

Playing music when you hook up with someone is a great, time-honored tradition — it adds background noise, sets a mood, and shows off the cool new CDs/MP3s/records/ cassettes/ringtones/whatever you obtained for just that occasion. But then sometimes things go wrong, hilariously, and a horrible, mood-killing song slithers out of your stereo, because either your playlist wasn’t long enough, or you forgot there was an unfortunately named track on the album you selected, or you just put it on shuffle and also happen to be the kind of person who owns soundtracks to musicals. You know? No? You have perfect music? Welllll, I definitely don’t, and I asked a bunch of friends if this has also happened to them, and turned their best/worst responses into one Worst Makeout Mixtape Ever: 15 tracks and 55 minutes of music that’s actually played during a real human hookup, which you can stream below. And also download, if you’ve got a Hot Date on the horizon. (Press the downward arrow.) Also, if you do actually play this during a makeout, you guys are wonderful and please tell me how it goes.

Anyway, the mix kicks off with The D.O.C.’s “Bridgette” [Is a Dumb Ho], submitted by Hairpin pal Bridget.

Update: The download link no longer works, as the 100 free MP3s have already been downloaded (!!).

And here’s the tracklist, in case you don’t have 55 minutes to listen to awkward music. But then you’ll miss the weird sounds I made coming into my house around the 45-minute mark. And then also typing audibly at the 50-minute mark. And then pretty much constantly typing from 52:00 onward? Oof. Oh, and the whole thing’s a little quieter than it should be, because I didn’t have the volume loud enough. A masterpiece from start to finish, basically.

1. The D.O.C. — “Bridgette”
2. Dezrok — “Star Wars Imperial March Techno Remix”
3. Sarah McLachlan — “In the Arms of an Angel”
4. Uncle Luke — “Do-do Brown”
5. Gin Blossoms — “Hey Jealousy”
6. Bare Naked Ladies — “If I Had a Million Dollars”
7. Staind — “It’s Been Awhile”
8. Les Miserables soundtrack — “On My Own”
9. Color Me Badd — “I Wanna Sex You Up”
10. John Legend — “Ordinary People”
11. Bill Withers — “Use Me”
12. Terry Gross Interviews Stephen Colbert
13. Ludacris — “You’s a Ho”
14. Felix Mendelssohn — “The Wedding March”
15. The Ying Yang Twins — “Wait”

Thanks to Halle Kiefer, Caitlin Roper, Katie Walsh, Lauren Bans, Thyra Heder, Bridget Palardy, Lauren Hinkson, Emma Barker, and Emma Lovewell, who are all pros at making out. And, of course, if you have suggestions for WMM Vol. 2 please leave them in the comments.

Photo by melissahoneybee