Marie Claire’s Man-Blogger Sort of Makes Me Want to Cry

Remember Rich Santos from that infamous list of Man Secrets? Well, I’m obsessed with him now, of course. Although I missed a post of his from last week: The Perfect Date, in which he lists the elements of a dream encounter. He also reveals this:

It is sad that my two favorite dates occurred in high school.

Yes, that is kind of sad! But what’s sadder are the dates themselves:

In 10th grade, I went to the pumpkin patch/Christmas farm with this girl, Samantha. We checked out the holiday décor after a country drive on a crisp fall day. I was shattered at the end of the date when she told me she just wanted to be friends.

That was one of the best dates of his life. This is the second:

The following year I got mixed up with a girl named Tara who had a boyfriend away at college. One late February afternoon we walked to our school and climbed to the gym roof. We sat together watching the sunset, huddling closer and closer as it got colder.

But I was too young and stupid to know I couldn’t break her up with her boyfriend. After hanging out extensively, things blew up and our friendship didn’t survive it.

Those are the dates! Those are the best dates of his life. Nooo, Rich Santos! This is kind of heartbreaking. The rest of the post goes on to describe the various ways each of those dates was such a success (they were free, they were spontaneous, etc.), but just… man. It’s a good thing I’m writing this all down so there’ll be a paper trail of how Rich Santos and I fell in love. Rich Santos, will you go on a date with me?

Aaand some very basic Googling reveals Rich Santos has ALREADY BEEN OUT ON A DATE with a lady-blogger. Rich!!!