Dogs Last Longer Than Facelifts, It’s True

by Liz Colville

I’m sorry, but purchasing or adopting a dog is far cheaper and more cost-effective (but arguably not as effective, depends on what you want to affect) than getting a facelift. Writing in the Huffington Post, a plastic surgeon named Robert Tornambe (not pictured, because, hello, that’s Dr. Rey) has become the first person to make this potentially life- and marriage-saving comparison, and the timing of the article leads me to believe that facelifts are on some people’s holiday wish lists, along with puppies, which is soooooo … kill me.

Inconveniently, the New York Times published an article this weekend warning rich white people everywhere that maybe they should rethink their dog and horse ownership (I mean, I have a couple of horses, don’t you? I rode one down to this cafe I’m at, it’s tied up to a bike rack outside; the other is in my backyard, plowing the fields) because it is expensive! So now rich white people must perhaps find a third thing to do that is neither canine nor plastic. What could it be? Something to do with Mick Jaggers’ private Caribbean island? Something to do with a car? Stay tuned for the Times’ coverage of how owning classic cars might not be the best use of your millions and how having servants will burn a hole in your pocket. But back to the matter at hand!

Dr. Tornambe, a sweet-looking old man, is tired! No one is offering him a reality show deal; he wants to cut back. He’s also just so right that it almost makes me angry!

It has been scientifically proven that owning a dog increases your lifespan!

Plus which:

Dogs can sniff out some forms of cancer and recognize early signs of seizures, enabling them to warn their human companion to lie down to prevent injury. To date, no studies have been able to document any of the same health benefits from a facelift.

You can teach your dog to do tricks; a facelift, not so much.

Oh, so he’s trying to be humorous. Anyway, everybody be careful with your money/faces.

Photo of the one and only Dr. Robert Rey by Sergio Savarese via Wikipedia