Ke$ha’s Idiotic New Song Infuriatingly Catchy

Goddamnit, Ke$ha. I hate your music and your voice, and then you also make me hate myself because I get giddy when you look ugly in pictures, which is just a terrible way to feel about someone. And then I got confused because your somewhat recent song “Take It Off” — a partied-up reimagining of “There’s a Place in France Where the Naked Ladies Dance” — has actually started to grow on me, even though I do technically hate it. Or something! I guess I don’t. *Rests head in hands.*

Anyway, Ke$ha (thank you for reading The Hairpin, btw), last night a new, Bangladesh-produced single called “Sleazy” leaked off your upcoming Cannibal (out November 22). Oh, and it’s so bad. You rap in it, Ke$ha. Ke$ha! Your voice is horrible! You know what it sounds like? It sounds like a foreign person imitating an American with the intent to insult. Urr, hurr, durr. All clunky-mouthed and affected. Well, this new song is also terrible! Except the hook is actually pretty good! And I’ve listened to it several times now, just to figure out why I keep listening to it! Ke$ha! Why are you doing this to me!?

Also, the “beat’s so fat it’s gonna make me come” part was funny, because I was like, “Oh, Ke$ha really likes the concept of fat dudes, I guess?” But then I realized it’s probably that modern new word “phat” that people have just started using.